Instant Granola Recipe

Yes, this author is a little obsessed with oatmeal, though certainly the subject is not nearly exhausted. In fact, today, I am happy to share the latest in oatmeal technology, and my first original recipe.

For too long, humans have been plagued with the question: steel cut, or rolled oats? Though I cannot provide a definite answer, this recipe is sure to add a new dimension. Here it is, in a metafictionalized script.

(TL;DR: The recipe is recapitulated afterwards).

All the butter to eat you with (a skit)
Act One of One

Scene 1

(Wolf and Pig and in their apartment kitchen)

Wolf: (exhasperated)

Hurry up, pig! We're going to be late for class!

Pig: Now now, Wolf, I am reading a blog about instant granola.

Wolf: Now? We (look at the time) ... we're already late.

Pig: Right! -- so who cares if we miss the midterm -- we can take physics tests any day.

Wolf: You've got to be kidding me... (drops backpack)

Pig: Breakfast is an important meal! (throws 1/2 tbs butter into a heating pan while reading this blog) I can't do math if I'm hungry... (adds 1 cup of rolled oats, with dash of salt and sugar) Do you want some?

Wolf: Huh? Are you frying the oatmeal? It's not making that frying noise thing.

Pig: Yeah, that frying sound is actually from water evaporating from moist food. If you fry something dry, it doesn't make noise.

Wolf: Cool!

Pig: Yeah I learned that from this blog. Actually the entire recipe is given in play form.

Wolf: You would read that blog.

Pig: Stop complaining, I'm making you food. Put on some music, will you?

Wolf: How's this?

Pig: I like it. Who is it?

Wolf: It's this pretty cool band from Long Beach called Avi Buffalo. I saw them live in San Diego - at Sushi.

Pig: You don't like sushi.

Wolf: No - Sushi - its this venue that looks like a living room. It's pretty awesome.

Pig: (Dancing now, a little like Thome Yorke in his new song)

Wolf: Haha you look like Thome Yorke. I don't know how I feel about their new album.

Pig: Yeah me neither.

Wolf: So... what about that oatmeal?

Pig: oh SHIT I forgot it! (stirs the caramelized oatmeal) oh it got a little brown. Toasty. That's cool. Burnt butter is a carcinogen, no?

Wolf: I've personally looked into it, and I can't find any evidence or papers supporting that.

Pig: Thank goodness. (Pours oatmeal into a bowl) Smell this.

Wolf: That smells heavenly. And buttery.

Pig: (poors a little milk into the bowl. Loud hiss escapes the bowl as milk hits the hot oatmeal).

Instant Granola Recipe (serves one)

Ingredients
+ 1 cups rolled oats
+ dash of sugar (.5 tbs)
+ .5 tbs butter
+ dash of salt (less than 1 ts)
+ any kind of pot

Preperation
Preheat pan, add butter immediately (before it gets hot).Add the salt and granola,ix together to coat the granola with the butter. As the pan gets hot, reduce the heat, and stir the granola every minute for 5 minutes. It should start browning slightly.

Add the sugar. The sugar will start caramelizing, so begin mixing immediately. It might get a little sticky and darker. At this point, the mixture is really hot, even if it isn't making any noise. You're done!

Serving
Poor directly into a bowl, and add some milk (or yogurt?). Some milk will steam off instantly, and the steady state temperature will be slightly warm - perfect for these chilly days.